The “Copyright Modernization Act” would effectively criminally punish anyone who uploads a home-made music video to YouTube, who copies some mp3s to a friend’s iPod, who sings Happy Birthday at a birthday party. It’ll be an all-you-can-sue buffet for the entertainment companies and their immensely overpaid actors. Underpaid musicians, however will continue on as they always have.

Now, I’m all in favor of the laws being adapted to suit the technology, but this is a clear case of the technology being adapted to suit the law. ‘Cause you know. It’s not like they won’t just find another way to do it.

Now my first thought on seeing the title of the bill was one of naïve hope, because I too, agree, the copyright act should be modernized. To reflect the natural progression of society. We have so much access to cheap and free entertainment and information in today’s culture that it’s created a wholly new generation of self-taught intellectuals. I fail to see how this isn’t a good thing.

That being said, I’m also a fan of services like Netflix and Zune Music. For a monthly fee, you have unlimited access to all sorts of information. My only reservation is that as large as their selections are, they don’t have everything you might want. But it’s definitely a good start. A happy medium, you might say.

But what effect would this bill have on these practices? Or worse yet, what are the truly scary implications of this bill, the extremes, if you will?

Like… removing the PVR from your living rooms under threat of arrest and possible imprisonment? Preventing bloggers from referencing copyrighted news articles?  Precluding you from ripping Music CD’s you own to your iPod? Preventing lonely cat-lovers from setting pictures of their precious to that really sappy song and uploading their creations to YouTube? Putting that 16 year old fanfiction writer in the clink because he wanted to imagine what would happen if the Mario met Sonic the Hedgehog?

Not that all creepy co-dependant cat videos and virgin fantasy mash-ups deserve their space to shine, but their creators deserve the chance to express it, not be punished legally. Leave it to their peers… and you know… society at large.

All these things could be punishable by the things this act outlines. In essence, it would set consumer technology back fifteen years, and our access to free information back twenty-five. Even Wikipedia wouldn’t be allowed to exist due to their inordinate number of links to copyrighted news articles.

So yes, I agree the copyright laws need to be modernized. But not at the cost of sending kids to jail for using their imaginations. Fuckin’ morons.

At 2:46pm in Japan. The rape began. The island chain’s anus was ripped open and penetrated again and again.
Seismographs reported the ass-raping on the ground at 9.0 on the rectum scale. For an attack that lasted only minutes, the wake of devastation is staggering to behold.

Broken and toppled buildings, tankers thrown inland, fires, and even nuclear disaster all are engulfing the Japanese people. What is to blame for this? Prime Minister Naoto Kan would have you believe that the earth itself is to blame. He claims the ground is somehow just moving on its own, automagically.

‘Whale Wars’ activist Scott West was quoted by an unnamed source as saying God was to blame. But was it really God? Or the very ground itself?

These two are obviously in league with one another, as they are working to cover up the TRUE cause of the Japanese devastation. Through independent research and several eyewitness accounts, the truth begins to leak out

GODZILLA IS BACK!

Stock File Image of prior Godzilla Attack

Though seemingly banished forever in 2003 it seems the beast has somehow, against all odds managed to survive the Rising Sun’s increased efforts to destroy it. The signs are all there. When Godzilla near

Sendai, he caused waves of epic proportions that destroyed hundreds of homes. It then systematically tore through japan ripping down buildings and lighting everything on fire with its radioactive breath. Even with all these signs the media continues to report that a nuclear power plant is exploding. Just another excuse made up by the prime minister to cover up the radiation caused by this radioactive reptilian behemoth.
It’s time to come clean Mr. Prime Minister; Godzilla is back and you’re all out of giant moths to stop him! Maybe it’s time to let the Americans have a go?

But then, I’m not Charlie Sheen. You have to hand it to this guy. He keeps me guessing constantly. I can’t decide whether he’s a madman, a genius, or a mixture of the two. No matter what it is, it takes a special kind of bravado to stand on a rooftop, wave a machete in one hand and drink a bottle labeled Tiger’s Blood in the other and shout at the rest of Los Angeles, “free at last!”

But madman or genius, you can’t deny that the media is in overdrive. Libya what? How can I focus on that when Charlie Sheen is bi-winning?

Personally, I love this man. He’s living the dream with his two live-in girlfriends. A porn star, and his kid’s nanny. Seriously, that’s three of my main sexual fantasies right there. Couple that with the mockery he’s making of Warner Brothers, and more importantly his former boss, it’s obvious to me that he’s just really pissed off because A.) his boss is obviously a dick, and B.) the media is constantly invading his personal business.

Fuck, I’d be pissed off too. I’d personally go out and get a tattoo that said “Chuck Lorre sucks mad cock” in a very prominent place on my body. Hell, I’d commission a tungsten statue of the man himself in the act and drop it right smack-dab in the middle of Hollywood, just so alien archeologists in the distant future would know that Chuck Lorre, did indeed suck mad cock. Say what you want about his behavior, but the man’s got a right to be who he wants to be. He is, however, the face of Two and a Half Men, and he did, in fact, work hard enough to make his bosses boatloads of cash.

But you get caught trashing a hotel room with a porn star and boo to you, right?

Fuck, if I’d been fired for every time I got caught trashing a hotel room with a porn star and a briefcase full of cocaine, I’d be gainfully employed.

The fact is that Charlie’s right. There is no morality clause in his contract. He is under no obligation to the company to refrain from having fun. If he chooses to go on a bender and potentially fuck up his life, that’s his choice. Personally, I love his antics. I love the game he’s playing, and I respect the hell out of him for doing it. He’s playing with the media factory and trying to show the rest of the world what it really is, a hyped up excuse.

So here’s to you, Charlie Sheen. You keep at it, and even if the day should come where you fall into a deep downward cocaine-and-hooker spiral, you’ll always be welcome here. You are a true Bastard, and are as a hero among us.